Live your own life!

I recently started group therapy for my Agoraphobia and my anxiety disorder. For the longest time, my panic attacks were a part of life that I couldn’t avoid, so I started avoiding life entirely by becoming a hermit.

As an introvert, it worked well for me. I could stay home, not have panic attacks and just be myself. If I went out or tried something new, I ended up having a panic attack and would get physically sick. The solution, to me, was to obviously just avoid anything that made me go into a panic.

I did attend College and get an Associates Degree, bit I was having panic attacks and getting sick daily. Once I graduated, that’s when my time as a hermit became natural.

I dis wok then, with my father, but it was just he and I on the job, and maybe one other guy. He handled the client interactions, so I didn’t have that as a stressor.

We worked in peace, just he and I, then I went home and went into hermit mode.

It was perfect for me, my father, though he suffered from PTSD and his own anxiety, shielded me from unnecessary interactions. Thinking back on that, I can see he probably knew how I felt, and he, when he was able, shielded me purposely so I could have something considered normality.

I wish I had understood more, had been able to help him. And perhaps my just being there did soothe him.

I’ve realized a lot of things recently, the skills as a carpentry and in construction he had taught me, were and have been invaluable.

The faith in God he helped instill in me, a gift immeasurable.

And now that I am in therapy, I’m understanding the processes more, the triggers, the techniques needed to soothe myself.

This journey has made one thing stick out.

You have to live your own life. You can’t rely on people forever. They are their to help you, yes, but you also ha e to help yourself.

With anxiety, that’s a hard row to how. You feel powerless a good bit of the time and the people around you become anchors that you depend upon to keep you from drifting at sea.

Anchors. That’s the issue. You anchor yourself and then where are you going to go? You won’t drift aimlessly, but you can’t steer and power the boat forward either. You become stuck. It’s safe there, and that is a good thing, but it halts your journey.

The anchor, though, isn’t to be abandoned once you need to be moved. You reel it aboard, store it on ship and then move forwards.

You need to learn how to use those anchors properly, and with that knowledge, Captain and pilot that ship.

You are your Captain, you choose your crew, your co-pilot, the anchor and when it’s deployed.

If you are struggling, something feels wrong, or you know for a fact you need help in some way, ask. Ask and keep asking until someone says, I hear you, I see your struggle, come with me, this storm is temperorary. And if you see someone else who needs help, respond to that mayday. You might be saving a life.

I apologize for this not being a Geeky topic I’ve posted about, but this is very important. Even more so since it affects myself.

Carry on My Knights.

The Magic of Memories

As an adult we often lose sight of the finer things in life, including childhood joys.

Being a Geek allows people to be a part of fandoms that hold a place in ones heart and often becomes an obsession.

Manu of us began that journey as children, and little did we know that, as adults, we would want to feel that old magic of young memories that culminate in true nostalgia for things lost.

We have all seen the meme that says, “You have a time machine and can do only one thing. What do you do?”

My answer, for the longest time, was save the library at Alexandria.

In the last few months, I’ve come to realize that isn’t what I would do at all.

I would go back to my young child self and tell him to keep his toys safe, to keep them from being broken or destroyed. I’d tell him that one day, they will mean more to him than he will ever know.

I lament the fact this can’t be done, not for my present self ateast. Maybe another me, in an alternate dimension can, or has, or that child kept his toys safe anyways.

I grew up very poor. We never had brand new things, but we had a lot of second hand stuff.

I was lucky, and I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anyone else’s. It was special because of the things my Mother did. She introduced me to Star Wars, Ghostbusters, Thunder Cats, He-Man.

We didn’t have tv when I was a kid, except for a few local channels, but we had a family friend who taped things off the TV for us, and We bought VHS’s from yard sales.

To keep me occupied, mom had movies for me to watch, which set me on a path I’d never wish to have missed.

Each Christmas, we got plain cardboard boxes full of stuff. Gift bags, and sometimes just grocery bags to hide the stuff from view.

Momma spent all year gathering gifts for me and my brother and sister. My older brother had mostly moved out by the time I was 9 or 10. Fourteen years separate us, so I’ve only ever really remembered him as an adult.

Christmas at our house was magical, even though the gifts looked plain, weren’t wrapped or anything like that, treasure awaited within.

Momma always says I was the easiest to please, and it’s true, but that’s only because my mother could find things I loved so easily.

The gifts I can remember owning that shaped me the most, are the ones lost to me now. Or mostly lost.

I had the diecast metal and plastic Ecto-1, the Ghostbusters firehouse toy, all of the The Real Ghostbusters action figures, the monsters/ghosts.

I had the blue plastic Proton Pack. It has a yellow rubber tube that connected to the gun, orange trigger, had that old school wheel in its that scratched and sparked to make noises. I had the blue and pinkish red PKE Meter, the Ghost Trap of which I had two. (I still own one, its in decent shape for having been in a box 15 years and plenty of a abuse.) I had a jump suit too, patches and all. What I wouldn’t give to have those back.

I had all the He-Man and She-Ra figures, as well as Castle Grey Skull.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, their van, bikes.

All the Thunder Cats, two of which I still have. (Lion-O and Grune).

I had multiple Star Wars figures too, lost to the diet, the trash, or donation.

To have all of those back, to have them on display. {Sighs}

As I became a teenager, I lost touch with the things that brought me joy as a child.

As a Geek, It’s okay to seek that back out. It’s accepted, even expected.

My most recent reconnection has been with Ghostbusters.

Harold Ramis’ passing hit me rather hard. When I heard the news, I cried. I was upset, and all that day I was out of sorts. I didn’t understand why I had such a reaction, and then, I figured it out.

Egon and Ray were my two favorites. I wanted to be a combination of them as an adult.

Harold Ramis, who played Egon, is my first childhood hero to die. That is a big thing. My first childhood hero to die.

A piece of my childhood, someone who defined a big part of my geekdom, is gone.

After his passing, I started looking up Ghostbusters pictures, Cosplay/Costumes, those sorts of things. I found Extreme Ghostbusters on YouTube, which I plan to watch more of soon.

I felt the need to find that magic old memories hold.

I told you about my Toy Ghostbusters kit, the Proton Pack, PKE Meter, Trap. Well, now I’ve decided to start the journey towards an upgrade.

I want to own replicas of the movie props.

I joined the Ghostbusters West Virginia Division. And so begins the journey to take that childhood memory, and its magic, and upgrade it.

I want to recapture that excitement, that awe from the first time I saw a Lightsaber, or a Proton Pack, and I’m taking steps on that journey.

And its all thanks to my Mother.

Happy Halloween!

Today is a day many look forward to. Most who love this Holiday begin getting ready for it early in September and the month of October is spent enjoying the thrills and scares of Halloween.

I have loved this Holiday since I was a kid. I lived a life of fantasy most of the time as a kid, using my imagination and being other people, play acting that I was in a war, or I was a spy, or a detective, or a scientist.  those were the fun times or youth.

Now, as an Adult, I have tried to capture that magic again. Cosplay has been an interest of mine for a long time, and little did I realize, thats what I was doing as a kid, and even now in small ways. It’s also what inspired me to write.

I currently have a Mad Scientist lab as my Office/Man Cave. Its the perfect place to be inspired.

I have also decided to build props to sell to people. They will lean along the horror side involving monsters and the esoteric and occult. Its what I like.

You can find my shop here. I currently have a Travelers Vampire hunters Kit, a Jar of Vampire Ashes, and Parchment Paper up for Sale!

I realize its been a while since I posted, so I have decided to try and frequent here more often.

I hope everyone’s Halloween is safe and eventful!


Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Jeselyn and the Old Ones

I’ve stated many times that my favorite Alt Model is Jeselyn of (NSFW). Turns out, we had a certain interest in common and she was gracious enough to allow me to interview her about it.

E.L. Knight:  How old were you when you discovered H.P. Lovecrafts work?

Jeselyn: I’ve been reading works by H.P. for about 5 years now. I was first introduced then and haven’t been able to stop.

E.L. Knight: Where did you first get to read his works?

My fiancee had introduced me to H.P. after introducing me to Clive Barker’s writing. I feel in love with Clive’s work and that one thing led to H.P.

What sort of influence has the Cthulu mythos had on your life?

The Cthulhu mythos hasn’t had a dramatic influence on my life per say, other than a deep love for the man and his work. Though, every where I go, I look for cthulhu figures and merch to decorate my place with… so maybe it’s deeper than I thought.

I saw on your page you visited H.P. Lovecrafts burial site and got a rubbing form his tombstone. Was that your first visit there? How exciting was it to be there?

I did visit H.P.’s burial site. It was a maze in there. The site was very inconspicuous. It was rather clean when I went there. A neat line of stones and knick-nacks lines atop of his stone. It was my first visit. I had been waiting to make the pilgrimage for years. It was rather exciting to finally have made it. I actually got a little teary eyed.

You have a H.P. Lovecraft tattoo. What inspired you to get the tattoo? Did you design it yourself?

I have 2 H.P. tattoos to be exact. My artist designed one of them. He used the iconic Miss B. Havin’ pinup and turned it into Cthulhu with a banner that says “San-loss” The second tattoo is a portait of H.P. on my shoulder with a single tentacle. I got that at the RI Tattoo Expo in 2012.



You are a model, have you ever considered doing a Cthulhu inspired photoshoot?

I am a model. Been modeling now for about 5 years. I have though of doing a Cthulhu themed shoot, though I would be very picky on how it was done. Instead at the moment, I am decorating my fish tank and looking for the perfect Cthulhu stone statue to put inside.

After this interview took place, I asked her what sort of Cthulhu figure she wanted for her tank and told her about something I had that might fit her needs. Cthulhu now guards her fish tank.

Cthulu Fish Tank Jeselyn

Voice Actors: Lord Jazor

This has been a long time coming and I really messed up on getting it to the public in a timely manner. Life has a habit of getting in the way.

I have known Jazor for a while and He is a talented individual that amazes me everythime he does something. The range this man has in his abilities is simply amazing. And here I am hoping to show you this.

First, I want you to watch these:

Now that you have SEEN for yourself this mans talents, its time you get to know him a little better.


261473_4082229932017_500366869_nMe: Cosplay attracts all kinds of peo

ple of varying talents. What drew you to Cosplay and when to you become a part of the Cosplay community?

Jazor: I started off doing what I guess would be a branch of cosplay in that I have been doing pirate reenacting for about five years now, mainly performances at various pirate festivals with the crew and renaissance fairs sometimes and the like. So I would say that was my first cosplay-like venture. I’ve always been a fan of comic books and went to my first comic con in 2008 and ever since I wanted to get into the whole ‘dress as your favorite characters’ circuit. Since then I’ve even been going to midnight movie showings in costumes and such.

Me: I’ve seen several of your Cosplays and each has a great attention to detail. Do you do the sewing and prop work yourself?

Jazor: Not a lot of it, no. I don’t know the first thing about sewing cloth, but I do leatherwork so basically anything leather in a costume of mine that isn’t….shoes, is something I made. Everything else tends to be commissioned or bought online.

Did anyone influence you within the Cosplay community that motivated you to join in?

Funnily enough, the girlfriend (Tallest Silver) was one of my inspirations before we had even started actually talking. She just has such a passion for the art of it all and does such great work and has such a great amount of fun with it that I couldn’t help but be inspired. Come to think of it, I don’t know if I’ve ever actually told her that….hm.

I’ve watch several of your YouTube videos and heard your amazing voice acting skills, Does Cosplay come in handy to help you practice those voices? To get inside the head of a particular character you are voicing?

Well it’s a good question because I am principally an actor, of course, and I’ve done a lot of stage work and film work and such (nothing terribly professional) and the process of fitting voice to character is a huge part of that. The whole “I’ll find my character when I find his wardrobe” thing enters into it, and I do think that cosplaying helps in regards to some of my voice work. Dr. Doom, for example, was one that the costume helped a bit with. When I’m in that costume, because it’s very bulky and heavy and makes me look larger, there’s a real sense of power and majesty in it so that gave me some extra umf for Doom’s voice.

Are there any characters that you want to Cosplay as but haven’t yet?

Oh yes, I have a whole list of ideas I’m compiling. Who is next on the list varies depending on what I have been asked to do with various groups and things. It’s actually almost constantly in flux because of what I might be watching at the time or re-reading, or even reading for the first time. Couldn’t think of any in particular to mention at the moment, but I have a whole album on Facebook about it.

With your voice work, when did you first find that interested you?

When I was younger, I watched a lot of cartoons and would often record them on a little micro cassette player. Just the audio, of course, but I would imitate the voices and could picture what was going on just from the sound. So I naturally developed a love for old school radio drama at the same time and have remained a lover of them ever since. Only a bit later did I discover that it was an actual profession and, since I had always wanted to be an actor anyway, I jumped onboard that whole train and here we are, I guess.

You have stated many times that you do the voice acting for fun. Does it ever become a burden or feel like work? Have you given up on a character because it felt like work?


Well I do it for fun and as a means of income as well. Over the last couple of years, out of the six and a half years I’ve been doing this, people have started offering to pay me for it so that’s a welcome surprise. But yes, I always get great enjoyment out of it. The moment it feels like work will be the moment I stop doing it. Sure it’s taxing sometimes, and definitely time-consuming, but I have never felt that it was a huge burden or anything.

I’ve seen you do Steampunk stuff, as well as comics stuff, is there any voice acting you want to do but haven’t approached yet for some reason?

My main shticks are villains and anti-heroes, because that’s what my vocal range generally caters to best. Now I can change my voice to highs and lows and things, but everyone always has a certain niche that goes along with their character and that’s always been mine. It’s good fun, but sometimes branching out is a thought that comes to me. As far as anything I want to do but haven’t, I want to get back to my original desire to dub an entire comic from start to finish and get cast members onboard who will stick with the project, not like those who dropped out after being signed on to my first attempt at this with ‘The Long Halloween.’

What is in the future for Lord Jazor, be it Cosplay or voice acting, what do you see yourself moving forward towards?

Well college is honestly just not my thing anymore. I don’t think I’m unintelligent or anything, but I’ve gotten to that point in arts college when I really think I have gathered as much information as possible that is useful to me in my field. I don’t think it’s a self-absorbed notion, really, but rather just that as I continue on with it I just can’t find many classes that seem to offer me stuff I don’t already know about my chosen field and I’m not in the habit of logging away information that is ultimately not stuff I will use later, like marine biology or something. If that makes sense. So hopefully I’ll bow out of that and see about getting a proper voice agent in Chicago here, and several of my professors have connections and have offered to put in a good word for me, plus I do have a rather decent portfolio of work over the last six and a half years so we’ll see where that boat sails to, I suppose. As for cosplay, like I said no real set plans specifically right now. Just sort of up in the air.












The idiocy of Politicians

Today a friend of mine posted an article about CISPA and how the House of Representatives has passed this bill.

The US House of Representatives has passed the controversial Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protect Act (CISPA).

Lawmakers in the House voted 288-to-127 Thursday afternoon to accept the bill. Next it will move to the Senate and could then end up on the desk of US President Barack Obama for him to potentially sign the bill into law. Earlier this week, though, senior White House advisers said they would recommend the president veto the bill.

As I read the article, it became apparent that those who wrote it are complete morons. Just read what Rep. Mike McCaul said.

Speaking before his congressional colleagues, Rep. Mike McCaul (R-Texas) said this week’s deadly terrorist attack in Boston are reason enough to pass a cybersecurity bill, despite lacing evidence that the pair of bombs detonated Monday at the Boston Marathon were acts of cyberterror.

“Recent events in Boston demonstrate that we have to come together as Republicans and Democrats” in order to pass a bill that will strengthen national security, McCaul (R-Texas) said Thursday morning.

“In the case of Boston,” said McCaul, “there were real bombs.”

“In this case, they are digital bombs — and these digital bombs are on their way.”

WHAT!!!!!! He compared cyber attacks with 9/11 and The Boston Bombings!?!?!?! How dare you take those tragedies and use them to pass your idiotic piece of trash of a bill!

And if that wasn’t bad enough, read this garbage.

When Rep. Ruppersberger reintroduced CISPA at the start of this congressional season, he evoked the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 to suggest that Congress can and will do whatever is necessary in the wake of another tragedy.

“We don’t do anything well after a significant emotional event,” said Ruppersberger. Should there be a cyberattack on America on par with 9/11, Congress “will get all the bills passed we want,” he said.

THIS! This is proof positive our Politicians want to manipulate us to pass THEIR agendas and not ours. This ticks me off more than you can even imagine. Why do we put up with this?



Voice Actor: Jason Marsden

Jason MarsdenJason Marsden came to my attention when, as a kid/teen, I watched Boy Meets World. He played Eric Matthews best friend in High School. Ever since then, his distinctive voice as appeared in so many things, that its dizzying. I always recognize his voice and for years I had no idea what his name was. I didn’t even remember his character name on the show.

I finally researched him in preparation for this article and the list of things he has been in is even longer than I expected or knew.

Now some of you may already know who this guy is, and the parts he has played, but Here is a list of a few of my favorites he has done.


Oliver “Ollie” Osnick is a very intelligent kid of Boston, Massachusetts, who is huge fan of Spider-Man and super-heroes stuff. At some point, he was able to convince the Mayor to call Spider-Man to became Boston’s official vigilante, building for him a lair, gadgets and vehicles. He intended to became his loyal side-kick, Webbie, but Spider-Man denied him this, fearing for Ollie to be in danger, because of his lack of powers. Ollie quickly grew in anger for Spider-Man. He freed a few days later three low-range costumed criminals captured by the Webslinger, enhanced them with his tech, and led them in a team dubbed the Boston Terroriers against Spider-Man. He finally captured his idol, he revealed himself, and Spider-Man apologize but accidentally revealed the fact that J.J. Jameson offered 10 millions dollars for his unmasking, leading the three criminals to attack them. Steel Spider and Spider-Man teamed-up and defeat the Boston Terroriers, and Spider-Man leave back to New York, after having congratulated Ollie.


Born in 2255, Boone is a town guard and former NCR sharpshooter in the 1st Recon Sniper Battalion, a unit which has a reputation for being the best of the best. He is bitterly whiling away the hours until he can find out who is responsible for the disappearance of his wife, Carla, and kill them. Hardened and psychologically troubled from his time in the NCR military, Boone vacillates between being a stone-cold killer and a decent human being. Venturing out from the relative safety of Novac brings Boone into close contact with his old life until he is forced to deal with the tragic events that caused him to leave the military.




Dustil Onasi was the Force-sensitive son of Morgana Onasi and war veteran Carth Onasi. He was taken by the Sith during the Bombing of Telos IV, and later trained at the Sith Academy on Korriban before turning away from the Sith and returning home.






Rosh Penin was a HumanmaleJedistudent at the Jedi Praxeum located on Yavin 4, after the fall of the Galactic Empire, where he was trained in the ways of the Force by Jedi MasterKyle Katarn.





For a Complete List, check out Jason Marsden’s IMDB.

Information from Wikipedia and IMDB.