Live your own life!

I recently started group therapy for my Agoraphobia and my anxiety disorder. For the longest time, my panic attacks were a part of life that I couldn’t avoid, so I started avoiding life entirely by becoming a hermit.

As an introvert, it worked well for me. I could stay home, not have panic attacks and just be myself. If I went out or tried something new, I ended up having a panic attack and would get physically sick. The solution, to me, was to obviously just avoid anything that made me go into a panic.

I did attend College and get an Associates Degree, bit I was having panic attacks and getting sick daily. Once I graduated, that’s when my time as a hermit became natural.

I dis wok then, with my father, but it was just he and I on the job, and maybe one other guy. He handled the client interactions, so I didn’t have that as a stressor.

We worked in peace, just he and I, then I went home and went into hermit mode.

It was perfect for me, my father, though he suffered from PTSD and his own anxiety, shielded me from unnecessary interactions. Thinking back on that, I can see he probably knew how I felt, and he, when he was able, shielded me purposely so I could have something considered normality.

I wish I had understood more, had been able to help him. And perhaps my just being there did soothe him.

I’ve realized a lot of things recently, the skills as a carpentry and in construction he had taught me, were and have been invaluable.

The faith in God he helped instill in me, a gift immeasurable.

And now that I am in therapy, I’m understanding the processes more, the triggers, the techniques needed to soothe myself.

This journey has made one thing stick out.

You have to live your own life. You can’t rely on people forever. They are their to help you, yes, but you also ha e to help yourself.

With anxiety, that’s a hard row to how. You feel powerless a good bit of the time and the people around you become anchors that you depend upon to keep you from drifting at sea.

Anchors. That’s the issue. You anchor yourself and then where are you going to go? You won’t drift aimlessly, but you can’t steer and power the boat forward either. You become stuck. It’s safe there, and that is a good thing, but it halts your journey.

The anchor, though, isn’t to be abandoned once you need to be moved. You reel it aboard, store it on ship and then move forwards.

You need to learn how to use those anchors properly, and with that knowledge, Captain and pilot that ship.

You are your Captain, you choose your crew, your co-pilot, the anchor and when it’s deployed.

If you are struggling, something feels wrong, or you know for a fact you need help in some way, ask. Ask and keep asking until someone says, I hear you, I see your struggle, come with me, this storm is temperorary. And if you see someone else who needs help, respond to that mayday. You might be saving a life.

I apologize for this not being a Geeky topic I’ve posted about, but this is very important. Even more so since it affects myself.

Carry on My Knights.


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